Hey You're doing that wrong!

Here is a question that I posed on another website that I write for: How do you approach someone to tell them that they are doing something improperly, especially when you are not in a supervisory position, or perhaps even if you don't know them? If you don't approach them are you, in effect, endorsing their negative or perhaps harmful behavior? I am not talking about anything illegal or immoral. Pause, and think about that for a moment and then move on to the next paragraph.

Ok, what I was talking about was someone at the gym improperly lifting a weight. Now they have poor form and the exercise is not going to benefit them, certainly as much as it would if they performed it correctly, and doing it their way - poor ergonimic form, could potentially hurt them.
a) you tell them about it, treading lightly, and they tell you to mind your own business.
b) you tell them about it and they thank you and do it correctly (nearly never happens)
c) you don't tell them about it, for fear of response, and they end up hurting themselves.

If C, do you feel guilty? Are you enabling them?
If A, do you ever approach anyone again? Some people appear more approachable than others, so you may tell the sweet old lady, but not the gorilla-like gym rat. Does that serve your fellow man/woman? Why are people so scared to talk to other people, even if they are not selling or telling? I have occasionally thought to myself, hey that person has really made improvements. But I don't tell them. Why? Women would think I was hitting on them (in the past this might be true) and they might be offended or worse they might like it, and then I have to say, no, no, I am happily married, not interested. Men, I am not going to tell (unless I know them really well) because they might think I am hitting on them, or (same situation as A, except, no no I am hetero)

So you don't tell people much of anything. They sure wouldn't want to hear 'hey have you gained weight since you started here?' They won't think you are hitting on them (probably) but they won't be happy to hear your news either.

So take this another step, if you dare. Now, do you tell your spouse that they are doing something wrong? Or that their cooking isn't that good tonight? Or that they are too skinny, too fat, too obsessed with ___, drink too much, smoke too much, are addicted to ____. etc. How do you tell people you love that something is negative or harmful or whatever, without hurting them?

How do you get your kids to take school more seriously, knowing that it really doesn't matter what their grades are, it matters how they approach doing things. You don't want to nag them. Especially if they are good kids (as mine are).

Communication is one of the toughest things on the planet. Unless you are working with someone to do a specific task, and you are working as a cooperative team, on a 'right now' task, communication is a frickin bear.

Don't believe me (OK I know you do. You know what I am talking about here.) There are more communications workshops available than any other type of training. It's the only training you can do over and over again and still not really improve. Learn how to drive a car. Do you repeat that training every year? Some people maybe ought to. But no. Only communication workshops are 'wash and repeat as needed'